Weekend

So.
I steered clear of the blog for the weekend. Weekends are for family time. AND....Sunday was my birthday :)
I'm not a big birthday person nor am I a bah humbug person. I fall somewhere in the middle. I like it to be acknowledged  and that's about it. Ok....maybe some cake. And nowadays....I want to sleep in a bit. Which the Hubbs totally let me do. And it would have been even later except for the fact that my friend was picking up her cupcake order on the way into work.
So the day started around 8ish for me. Not bad. But lately due to my youngest cutting new teeth, I've been averaging 3-4 hours a night! Throw in a cupcake order and the 5:30am wakeup call from Child 3 when I just got him and brought him into bed with us and I'm borderline nocturnal. Well, that means they sleep during the day though. And I can't say insomnia,  because if I were actually given the opportunity, I KNOW I'd have no problem catching some zzzzz's. I suppose this too shall remain a mystery for now.

The details of my Birthday aren't all that exciting. Woke up, coffee, lots of whiny kids(I thought that was supposed to cease for parents' Birthdays?), chicken parm for breakfast(major highlight), got outside and soaked up some vitamin D while raking the leaves, showered(another major highlight) while eating a cookie(BONUS), and headed off to my Mother-In-Law's house where she cooked me a fabulous dinner!!!  It was a good day.

Here's the kicker. I have a....................strained relationship with my parents. We'll leave it at that for now.
And as being the folks that gave me life, despite my claims to have been adopted, they feel the need to call me at the ass crack of dawn every year to try and beat everyone else to the punch and wish me the 1st Happy Birthday of the day! I heard my phone ringing. I was pretty sure I knew who it was. But I was a good 20+ feet from my cell and had yet to ingest a single drop of coffee. I was far from prepared to have that conversation and hadn't yet had the opportunity to turn the volume down on my phone. You see, my Mother is one of those people that speaks at an unusually high volume into a cell phone. I'm not sure if it's because they don't have that oh-so-familiar ergonomically correct ear cupping feature that our old house phones used to have? Maybe she thinks everyone around her is losing their hearing? I don't even entertain the question of her losing her hearing, because she's always spoken loudly into a phone....giving long distance call a whole new meaning! The further away.....the louder she spoke.
I digress.
So needless to say, I let it go to voicemail and downed some coffee to start being a productive member of the household. Fed the kids, opened the presents they got me :) , and started our day. I know it sounds rude, but I didn't really want to talk to my parents. So I did the smart thing and let the imminent phone call loom over my head all day long until after I put the kids to bed! In between this 12 hour span, another call was made to my cell while I was in the shower(totally legit.....I didn't even screen that one) and an email was sent to me with some vague details included about when my Mom went into labor with me. Was THAT supposed to lure me into dialing the phone? Have I mentioned that my parents are firm believers in Catholic Guilt?! Yeah.
So I finally got all 3 kids to bed and asked the Hubbs to hand me my cell since he was closer to it. Actually, I asked him to make the call for me as my Birthday gift and he refused. How rude. Forgiven only by the glass of wine that accompanied my phone when he came back into the room. After a roll of my eyes and a few lamaze-like deep breaths. I called. And nearly dropped the phone after my Mother answered because I did indeed forget to lower the damned volume. UGH.
The conversation went something like this:

Mom: HELLO?!?!?!?! HELLO?! ?!?!?!?!
Me: um....hi
Mom: OH..........(ok I'll stop using all caps for effect....she was REALLY loud....just remember that when reading) we were starting to get really worried!! We had called a couple of times earlier and then left an email saying(really.......she retold me everything that she'd typed right here, so I'll pass on the details)......
Me: uh huh. I got them.
Mom: I mean as the people responsible for your existence, we knew you'd be sure to give us a call on your Birthday!
Me: Yup. Thanks for that.
Mom: I'm glad I got to personally talk to you on your birthday. I'm glad I got to hear your voice now that you're 32. You sound the same.
Me: Don't feel a day older than 31.
Mom: She says she doesn't feel a day older than 31.
(she tends to repeat the conversation to my Dad, sitting right next to her.With this, he gets on the phone.)
Dad: Hey! Happy Birthday!
Me: Thanks Dad.
Dad: Well I'll get the details from your Mother(obviously we both know that even if she repeats everything I say, he'll still get the play by play after we hang up.) but I hope you had a great day.
Me: Thanks......Just hope the Giants show a better display against the Eagles than the Skins did last week. (Yeah.....I'm the son he never had)
Mom: What? 
Me: I thought Dad was on the phone
Mom: (attempt to repeat what I said about football to Dad)
Dad: (yells in the background something about Virginia Tech?!)
Mom: Ok Honey. Well, did you celebrate? 
Me: Um, I didn't have a party or anything. But sure.
Mom: Uh huh. Ok then. Well I'm really glad you made the time to call us. Being your parents and all. We are glad we were able to wish you a happy birthday personally. I was beginning to think we weren't going to have the opportunity to speak with you at all today. How are the children? (this makes chills run up and down my spine. There are a series of words and phrases that my mother says that just piss me off. This is one of them. I'll write up a full list another day. The Hubbs is quite aware of each and every one on the list and uses them to get a rise out of me. And maybe a pot or pan thrown at his skull once in a while!)
Me: fine.
Mom: Everyone's healthy? 
Me: yes
Mom: OH good. I was worried about that too.(I think she wills us all to get sick sometimes. She always asks if we're ok.)
INSERT AWKWARD SILENCE HERE. I was gulping down wine at this point.
Mom: Ok. Well I'll let you go enjoy a special evening on your 32nd Birthday.
Me: K. Thanks for the call.
Mom: Bye Honey we love you. Please tell the children you spoke with us and we send our love. 
Me: Yep. Bye. love you.




I promptly hung up the phone, finished my wine, and said to my husband "Why don't I record these conversations?"

Since it's taken over 3 hours to type this, including frequent changes of diapers, picking up Child 1 from school, feeding the minis lunch, and so on.......I'm going to leave it at this for now. It's flippin gorgeous out right now so we're off to the park! WOO HOO!

PS
I'll be screening my calls. If you need to get a hold of me, please make sure you leave an overly dramatic message on my voicemail. That seems to work really well! ;)