Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Bad Idea Of The Day

Pretty sure I could do a daily blog of JUST this. But let me share today's.....
I did laundry. No wise ass that was not the bad idea! And to be more efficient, I'll usually throw bath towels in with blankets. (boring you yet?) My kids are "blanket babies". They adore their blankets! In turn, we have 163 of them spread all over the house. Ones to sit on, sleep on, eat with around our shoulders, make forts out of, and ones for the dogs to cuddle up with too. Catching onto my bad idea right about now, aren't ya? Yep, I threw our   bath towels in with the Fat Bastard's fleece, smelly, dog blanket. I STILL didn't realize after switching to the dryer and folding. Sharp, I know.
No my shining moment of clarity was tonight after all the kids were asleep and I was stepping out of my nice hot shower to dry off with my "fresh from the laundry" towel.
I'll spare the photo. Let's just say I closely resembled something between an orangutan and a wookie.
Pour the wine.
I'm punching out for the day.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Time Constraints

So I have about 20 minutes until I need to go pick up Child 1 from preschool. I've managed to vacuum this morning. Which felt like an even huger accomplishment than it really was because my two little ones clapped and cheered as I did it. Clearly they have more "floor time" than I do, and realize just how badly it needed a good vacuuming! Whoops. So while working up a good sweat....I decided to pull the refrigerator out and clean under/behind it. OMG........is there a service for this? Because the people who would offer this, would make a killing. How the hell does all that crap get behind there? The fun part of this was that I had gates up corralling the kids in the living room and the dogs in the kitchen. Said dogs are freakishly afraid of the vacuum. heh heh Now before you go calling the ASPCA on me, I stayed by the fridge on the complete opposite end of the kitchen. But, Fat Bastard decided it would be a good idea to try and hop over the vacuum to attempt to get past me, over the gate, and into the living room to the safety of the minis. Fail. He managed to not get the height he needed to clear the UPRIGHT vacuum(imagine that?!) and instead started Scooby Dooing on my floor while slamming into the cabinets. He'd be eating fried rice and noodles right now if it weren't for my FOOT getting in the way of his giant smelly paws. I had to count my toes after this incident.
That's my excitement for the morning. Apparently I'm allergic to dust. Not even an excuse, although it would be a good one! But my eyes are all swollen and my nose is running. Off to preschool where I imagine I'll look like most of the children in attendance since it's cold season!

I have to post this pic of Child 3 cuz it makes me smile!! Even through swollen, teary eyes!!! How cute is this fat baby?!?!?!
Happy Monday folks!

Saturday, November 27, 2010


Ok ok.......so I didn't totally give in. Yeah, I did. The Hubbs helped me find the stuff to upload my pictures. FINALLY!!!! I was beginning to think they'd be stuck on my camera forever!

And here are the pics I so wonderfully described in my "Good Morning Vietnam" post :)

If you start with the blonde Flock Of Seagulls pic, and continue to go left to right, they are as follows.......Child 3's Flock Of Seagulls morning do, containment unit for the older kids, dog-toenail-shaped-hole in butter, greasy dog toenail, guilty dog we lovingly refer to as "Fat Bastard", flailing piece of our garage with hornets nest under it ****I must add here that The Hubbs repaired this the next day with the assistance of his brother and Child 1**** , jar of yummy potty treats, broken lens on cell phone, Sammy 2/Deuce, the older kids raking leaves off the bushes

Monday, November 22, 2010


I steered clear of the blog for the weekend. Weekends are for family time. AND....Sunday was my birthday :)
I'm not a big birthday person nor am I a bah humbug person. I fall somewhere in the middle. I like it to be acknowledged  and that's about it. Ok....maybe some cake. And nowadays....I want to sleep in a bit. Which the Hubbs totally let me do. And it would have been even later except for the fact that my friend was picking up her cupcake order on the way into work.
So the day started around 8ish for me. Not bad. But lately due to my youngest cutting new teeth, I've been averaging 3-4 hours a night! Throw in a cupcake order and the 5:30am wakeup call from Child 3 when I just got him and brought him into bed with us and I'm borderline nocturnal. Well, that means they sleep during the day though. And I can't say insomnia,  because if I were actually given the opportunity, I KNOW I'd have no problem catching some zzzzz's. I suppose this too shall remain a mystery for now.

The details of my Birthday aren't all that exciting. Woke up, coffee, lots of whiny kids(I thought that was supposed to cease for parents' Birthdays?), chicken parm for breakfast(major highlight), got outside and soaked up some vitamin D while raking the leaves, showered(another major highlight) while eating a cookie(BONUS), and headed off to my Mother-In-Law's house where she cooked me a fabulous dinner!!!  It was a good day.

Here's the kicker. I have a....................strained relationship with my parents. We'll leave it at that for now.
And as being the folks that gave me life, despite my claims to have been adopted, they feel the need to call me at the ass crack of dawn every year to try and beat everyone else to the punch and wish me the 1st Happy Birthday of the day! I heard my phone ringing. I was pretty sure I knew who it was. But I was a good 20+ feet from my cell and had yet to ingest a single drop of coffee. I was far from prepared to have that conversation and hadn't yet had the opportunity to turn the volume down on my phone. You see, my Mother is one of those people that speaks at an unusually high volume into a cell phone. I'm not sure if it's because they don't have that oh-so-familiar ergonomically correct ear cupping feature that our old house phones used to have? Maybe she thinks everyone around her is losing their hearing? I don't even entertain the question of her losing her hearing, because she's always spoken loudly into a phone....giving long distance call a whole new meaning! The further away.....the louder she spoke.
I digress.
So needless to say, I let it go to voicemail and downed some coffee to start being a productive member of the household. Fed the kids, opened the presents they got me :) , and started our day. I know it sounds rude, but I didn't really want to talk to my parents. So I did the smart thing and let the imminent phone call loom over my head all day long until after I put the kids to bed! In between this 12 hour span, another call was made to my cell while I was in the shower(totally legit.....I didn't even screen that one) and an email was sent to me with some vague details included about when my Mom went into labor with me. Was THAT supposed to lure me into dialing the phone? Have I mentioned that my parents are firm believers in Catholic Guilt?! Yeah.
So I finally got all 3 kids to bed and asked the Hubbs to hand me my cell since he was closer to it. Actually, I asked him to make the call for me as my Birthday gift and he refused. How rude. Forgiven only by the glass of wine that accompanied my phone when he came back into the room. After a roll of my eyes and a few lamaze-like deep breaths. I called. And nearly dropped the phone after my Mother answered because I did indeed forget to lower the damned volume. UGH.
The conversation went something like this:

MomHELLO?!?!?!?! HELLO?! ?!?!?!?!
Me: um....hi
Mom: OH..........(ok I'll stop using all caps for effect....she was REALLY loud....just remember that when reading) we were starting to get really worried!! We had called a couple of times earlier and then left an email saying(really.......she retold me everything that she'd typed right here, so I'll pass on the details)......
Me: uh huh. I got them.
Mom: I mean as the people responsible for your existence, we knew you'd be sure to give us a call on your Birthday!
Me: Yup. Thanks for that.
Mom: I'm glad I got to personally talk to you on your birthday. I'm glad I got to hear your voice now that you're 32. You sound the same.
Me: Don't feel a day older than 31.
Mom: She says she doesn't feel a day older than 31.
(she tends to repeat the conversation to my Dad, sitting right next to her.With this, he gets on the phone.)
Dad: Hey! Happy Birthday!
Me: Thanks Dad.
Dad: Well I'll get the details from your Mother(obviously we both know that even if she repeats everything I say, he'll still get the play by play after we hang up.) but I hope you had a great day.
Me: Thanks......Just hope the Giants show a better display against the Eagles than the Skins did last week. (Yeah.....I'm the son he never had)
Mom: What? 
Me: I thought Dad was on the phone
Mom: (attempt to repeat what I said about football to Dad)
Dad: (yells in the background something about Virginia Tech?!)
Mom: Ok Honey. Well, did you celebrate? 
Me: Um, I didn't have a party or anything. But sure.
Mom: Uh huh. Ok then. Well I'm really glad you made the time to call us. Being your parents and all. We are glad we were able to wish you a happy birthday personally. I was beginning to think we weren't going to have the opportunity to speak with you at all today. How are the children? (this makes chills run up and down my spine. There are a series of words and phrases that my mother says that just piss me off. This is one of them. I'll write up a full list another day. The Hubbs is quite aware of each and every one on the list and uses them to get a rise out of me. And maybe a pot or pan thrown at his skull once in a while!)
Me: fine.
Mom: Everyone's healthy? 
Me: yes
Mom: OH good. I was worried about that too.(I think she wills us all to get sick sometimes. She always asks if we're ok.)
INSERT AWKWARD SILENCE HERE. I was gulping down wine at this point.
Mom: Ok. Well I'll let you go enjoy a special evening on your 32nd Birthday.
Me: K. Thanks for the call.
Mom: Bye Honey we love you. Please tell the children you spoke with us and we send our love. 
Me: Yep. Bye. love you.

I promptly hung up the phone, finished my wine, and said to my husband "Why don't I record these conversations?"

Since it's taken over 3 hours to type this, including frequent changes of diapers, picking up Child 1 from school, feeding the minis lunch, and so on.......I'm going to leave it at this for now. It's flippin gorgeous out right now so we're off to the park! WOO HOO!

I'll be screening my calls. If you need to get a hold of me, please make sure you leave an overly dramatic message on my voicemail. That seems to work really well! ;)

Friday, November 19, 2010

Good Morning Vietnam!

At least that's what my living room now looks like after the minis had their way with it! I had grandiose plans of picking up around the house today which has been severely halted by me walking in circles all morning. I guess the biggest issue I have with this is that I'm completely floored at the end of the day when I haven't accomplished a thing but my legs are sore. You'd think I'd learn. Although today I managed to truck 742 lbs of laundry from our bedrooms down to the basement and actually started the wash. It was shortly after that I decided to kick Child 1 and 2 outside for fear of their screaming waking up the napping chub-a-lub. I then stepped over the piles of toys all over the room, reheated my coffee for the twelfth time this morning, and sat down to write about my fascinating day so far :)

The Hubbs returned at 11:15 last night and was off again around 8:30 this morning. Before he left, while the kids were not eating the breakfast I made them, I finally broke down and told him that I'm pretty certain I'd lost the camera. Ugh. I searched high and low. Under piles of toys and clothes. Under the couch cushions. Inside the van. In plastic bags that have miscellaneous crap in them. All to no avail. The guilt that I'm feeling is heavy because I know money is tight right now, but I can't possibly go through the upcoming holidays without a camera. Especially when it's Child 3's first Christmas!!  I'm near tears when a very smug looking man standing before me says "did you look on the shelf right over the computer? Where we normally keep it?" And hands me the camera.

Wise ass.

You KNOW I ran around after he left taking shots of all sorts of stuff I've been wanting to post on the blog, right?! I managed to trap the big kids in a home made containment unit for a while so I could go take pictures, while the little guy followed me around. It was great. There have been so many times over the past week+ that I've been dying to have my camera! Too bad it fell inside the wall where I'd never think to look for it?! Unbelievable. And I'm responsible for 3 kids? Yikes.

So I go to find the USB cord to upload my pics and guess what? Yep. Can't find it. Now I happen to know there are gremlins living in this house that move things all the time. I birthed them after all. But I can't help but just stare in front of me looking at the shelf over the computer waiting for it to start waving or something. Smoke signals maybe?  If I need to ask the Hubbs to help me find it, we're gonna have an issue. I was not born with the personality make-up to be able to ask for help. Ask anyone who knows me :) And I might just smack those pursed lips right off his face if he says "it's right here dear". You can see my dilemma.

I'll describe by beautiful pics that document my morning instead:

1) I couldn't resist....Child 3 woke up with his fuzzy blonde locks sticking straight up in the air, but only on the sides! The middle was flat. FLOCK OF SEAGULLS ANYONE?!?!?! Awesome.

2)The aforementioned containment unit for the big kids. aka...couches pushed together. This only lasted about 15 minutes before they almost cracked their skulls together, of course.

3)The hole in one of the sticks of butter that were coming to room temperature on my counter so I could bake cookies. It's strangely shaped like a dog's giant toenail? And the second stick is missing? Hmmmmm

4) greasy dog toenail

5) guilty looking dog

6) since the deck is stained, I have a new mini project to try to accomplish while juggling 3 minis on my head! Part of the aluminum wrap(I think that's what it's called?) on our garage was partially blown off by the crazy wind we had the other day. So I need to get the ladder and nail it back in place. I'd like to do this before any more windy weather rolls in and takes it off completely. SO...I should probably take care of this myself. Picture is of the piece of metal hanging off the garage. OH and the huge yellow jacket's nest that was hiding under it. Always an adventure!

7)the big jar of M&M's aka potty treats, from Target the other day. The very same jar that I steal a few out of every single time I walk past. WHAT?!?!?! I use the potty too!

8) my cracked lens on my cell phone which is why I really couldn't post any pics on here! Had no clue that happened till I went to take a picture yesterday. Gremlins? Or the crushing capacity of my arse when it was in my back pocket? We'll never know.

9) Deuce/Sammy 2. In her very big, very manly fish tank with the army guy and tank! In the picture you can actually see the pile of eggs she's laid on the top of the water. Whatever....she's breathing so I'm happy.

10)Child 1 & 2 raking the leaves in the backyard. Right off of the branches they were hanging from. LOL

My new mission today...........find that CORD! Cleaning can wait. (funny how I can always find an excuse)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


Well it was borderline tornado weather here today. So always looking for an adventure........I packed up the kids and headed to Target. WOO HOO! It was a white knuckle adventure driving the Mystery Machine over the bridge portion of 287.For any non NJins, there's actually a sign that states "bridge subject to high winds". And it was gale force out there today!! Such a rush. I even let my "no screaming in the van" rule slide. 
The minis were actually on their best behavior in the store(weird). And all managed to get a special treat while sitting relatively quietly in the cart. After picking up the shaky dog's anti seizure meds, we headed to the candy aisle to get Mommy her fix and potty treats(not for Mommy....ok, well sometimes) in the form of M&Ms. This however almost started a riot in the shopping cart. Amazing what a 5 pound bag of chocolate can do?! Under the cart it went for safe keeping.
Milk...check. Dog cheese(for the shaky dog's pills)....check. Browse through the Christmas decorations, HOLY CRAP that's coming up already?!.....check. And to the checkout with three smiling minis I go. A rather uneventful trip concluded with a wonderfully cheerful cashier. This is where Child 1 makes me turn very red and want to run into the elevator and never come out. The cashier was very friendly with the kids and complimented Child 1's unloading of the cart onto the belt and even managed to make the little Pixie giggle too all while smiling and waving at chubby Child 3! Child 1 then blurts out as I'm swiping my debit card "why is that guy smiling and talking to us?" I realize this sounds innocent unless you were standing in my shoes. The cashier in fact was a female. Albeit, sporting a mullet, no makeup, and a bit of chin hair..........but female none the less. And she was embarrassed! Which made me want to now SPRINT(as if I could) to the elevator, kids or no kids. So I played it off like I heard no gender confusing remark and thanked her and walked briskly to the giant metal box that was my escape. Whew. Yep.........you know that damned alarm went off right? I kid you not. But the poor cashier waved me on. Clearly her spirit was broken and she didn't even care if we were shoplifting. Which, much to my surprise, we didn't steal a thing this trip! 
I even managed to have all three kids nap at the same time for a whopping 4 1/2 minutes! 
All in all........very successful day! 

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Rainy Day

It's raining. It's a little chilly outside. I've been getting sleepier every second since my eyes opened this morning. And I have three little people wanting me to constantly entertain them. After sucking down 3/4 of the coffee in the pot today, I still have no wild and crazy ideas to keep the minis outside of my 3 feet of personal space? I've tried movies, and they feel the need to update me every time the scene changes. I've tried coloring, but one likes to just peel the crayons and eat them, while the other will only color one picture(for Daddy.......cuz only Daddy gets pictures) before needing another source of fun! Child 3 is amazingly entertained ALL day by spitting up on himself and having explosive poops that shoot out of the top of his diaper. Where this would piss me off if I were him, he's totally content as long as I don't turn my back on him. EVER. 
And yet, despite all this excitement around me, I'm dreadfully bored. The Hubbs and I were supposed to have a movie night last night. I sent him inappropriate text messages telling him to rent a movie on his way home and we could have some "nekkid" couch time while sharing a giant bottle of wine. He took the bait! But after a long day at work, and watching me bathe all the kids and get them in bed, he managed to pass out on the living room floor by 8:30pm! Normally, I'd be very disappointed, but last night I was just happy for a quiet night to myself. I certainly don't have any trouble drinking alone. So I popped the cork and relaxed in front of the computer for a couple of hours after taking a scalding hot shower. Heaven. 
Having woken up with no hangover, I attempted to clean today. I loathe cleaning. And am really no good at it. I'm ok with that. I can totally admit when I'm not good at something. I just wish the people around me would DO something about it other than complain. Like....HIRE SOMEONE. Subtle hint there. Anyway, while lifting the couch cushions to find all the buried treasure my kids leave me,( ie raisins, small choking hazard toys, pennies(never anything worth more than a cent), and socks LOT AND LOTS of SOCKS?!) I rearranged the furniture in the living room. You see, I married the smartest man in the world. He knows everything. Ok, really....he is super intelligent....BUT according to him there was only one way to arrange the couch and sofa in the room. The way that makes complete and utter sense. An irrational thought has never passed through his giant head brain. Now I, on the other hand, like to take some chances in life! Put the chair caddy corner just because we CAN, instead of having it perfectly aligned with the wall. I'm a live-on-the-edge kinda gal. Clearly! And damn skippy that's exactly what I did this afternoon. The sofa is absolutely not where he left it. We'll just see who can fall asleep in this non congruent living room tonight! 
Muah ha ha!!!!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Not enough coffee in all the world

It's 6:27am here on this beautiful fall NJ morning. And I've had the distinct pleasure of being awake with all three of my angelic children for the past 2 hours. Anyone sensing my sarcasm? This is ridiculous.
Prior to having kids, I was always a morning person. And I'm not even just saying that for fun. I always voluntarily took the early shifts at jobs and would be up and ready to go before everyone else around me. Then the kids came. And I had the harsh realization that a marital relationship is indeed NOT 50/50 like I've been led to believe for so long. Now I know my husband was physically incapable of breastfeeding any of our kids. But just because their nursing days are long gone, certainly doesn't mean they don't wake up in the middle of the night..........every night. Or like this morning. At 4:30 and ready to start their day. I'll give you one.........no TWO guesses(cuz it's so damned early) who's still in bed right now?! Anyone? Anyone? So I figured I'd turn to the computer instead of walking upstairs and smothering the Hubbs. Won't get a thank you for that one either, I suppose. If only he knew.
To add insult to injury, my four year old keeps whining(that's my most favorite thing in the world by the way) "wheeeeeen's breeeeakfasssst gonnnna beee readdddy?". He doesn't like my answer that I'm not feeding him for a LONG time. I don't know how to train them out of this early riser shit? But I figure I'd only be imprinting it deeper if I fed them earlier than usual. So our regular breakfast time sticks. By then, hopefully I'll have enough caffeine in me to function properly and maybe even try to figure out some kind of Clockwork Orangelike tactic to make them sleep later.
One can only hope. Clearly it's up to me since I'm the only one affected by it.
In the meantime, I have to go shake out the cape since I didn't have a chance to get all the laundry done yesterday either.
I know.
Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure I'll last till 8pm tonight.......on my own again, with all three kids. HA! Maybe I'll even get the second coat on the deck?
We all need goals, right?!

Friday, November 12, 2010

And In My Spare Time..................

Why Yes.....Yes I DID just stain my deck over the past two days. Unfortunately, my past(and present) continuously dictates......If you want something done, do it yourself.
We had a deck built off the back of our house in July. YEP....July. First let me begin by saying that it took months to have THAT done until I stepped in and finally called a contractor. It was beginning to look like we were never getting that deck and one day my friend text a picture of her shiny new deck to my phone. Immediately I asked her for the contact info of the person that built it. He was over that night giving us an estimate and the rest is history. Is it the best job? No. But the price was right and we use it every day! It's probably the most practical purchase we've made in a LONG time. Now.....proper maintenance of a deck includes sealing it. Right? Right. You do the math. It's November. I've been waiting for the other adult party that lives under the same roof to take care of this. We'll call him......hmmmmm.......Procrastinator Pete. Pete kept telling me he'd do it. Yeah yeah.......life got in the way a bit. But PAAAAAAAAA LEASE.....4 months?!?!?!?!?!?! Whatever. I whipped out the cape from storage. And while Pete was around yesterday, I put him in charge of the kids(that's a story for another day) and stained the floor surface of the deck. Obviously this is the part we use most often and would most benefit from the sealing. And today, while Pete was off to work, I covered the railings and the second set of stairs lovingly referred to as "the dogs' stairs".
My resume just keeps getting longer but somehow, my pay stays the same? Weird.
My husband came home for two hours today and in that time I ran out to buy a present for my nephew's birthday party tomorrow, ran to the card store, bought some hand soap and Bath & Body Works, and of course hit the liquor store at the end of my 50 minute shopping spree. Because "Pete" headed back to work at dinner time, the cupcake order I was supposed to have for tomorrow fell through, and I'm going to have a quiet house all to myself. I figure while downing a few of my favorite brews, I can try to figure out why, after staining the deck, I've lost feeling in two of the fingers on my left hand?
Never a dull moment here :)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

As Luck Would Have It.................

Yep.....I may be in over my head.
After a remarkably quick bounce-back after having my third child, I was ready to get back into the real world WAY quicker than I was with either of my other 2 kids! I have a grip on reality. My brain is fairly stable....none of that foggy "baby brain" going on. And I strive to be a contributing member of society once again. Even if it's with kids in tow! And Lord knows we need the moula! So I've been making a real effort with my real estate agency to make all the meetings(aside from the one I missed tonight) and get all my training in and show houses and put in my floor time and all that jazz. Just when I think "I can do this", the cupcake side job BOOMS. Unbeknown to me, a "SHIT TON"(thank you Johi) of people absolutely adore custom edible creations and are willing to pay good money for them! Sweet! Pun totally intended!
As I blog now, I'm emailing back and forth with a woman who picked up my card at the Birthday party that I made the puppy cupcakes for and she wants me to make the cake for her daughter's Sweet 16 party in February! I deal in cupcakes.......but in this economy.....who the hell am I to say NO?!?!?! A custom cake for 50-60 people? YOU GOT IT! And for this Saturday I have an order for 3 dozen Disney Princess cupcakes for a friend of a friend. Both paying jobs(that's to say that I'm not charging them the "family & friend" discount which is to pay for ingredients/special supplies only).
So. Real estate. Yep........may have to be put on the back burner for the time being. I hate to sound totally uninterested, because I'm not. But why devote so much time to something I like, when something I LOVE is smacking me in the face asking me for all it's attention AND wants to pay me for it too?
For now, I get to be one of the lucky ones who can feed their creative side a bit. Not just the practical, bill paying side. (That side's no fun anyway although it looks like she may benefit a little from this endeavor too!)

On a side note, we hosted our "November Birthdays" party at our house this past Saturday. Both myself and The Hubbs have birthdays this month along with 5 other adults in the family! It's a snooty falooty wine and cheese get together where everyone brings a bottle of their favorite wine so we can all try something different! I not-so-secretly look forward to this adults only party all year long! This year I had to present some cupcakes of course....and they were of the adult variety :) Chocolate cupcakes with Bailey's infused buttercream icing with shaved dark chocolate on top! And chocolate cupcakes with chipotle chocolate frosting topped with handmade red chili peppers made out of melted white chocolate(tinted red of course). They were AWESOME! And very sophisticated looking and tasting! Pictures will be coming eventually, my camera is MIA at the moment. But my husband assures me that despite his inebriated state on Saturday, he took some good pics for me :) We shall see. I'll post whatever he did take on here for kicks anyway! LOL And so it doesn't sound like I'm bashing my husband...........MOST of us were at least slightly inebriated that evening! And it was a great night :)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Toy Story Cupcakes

We were invited by a friend to a Toy Story Halloween party this past Saturday and I was asked to make cupcakes :) They're my most favorite ones yet. Enjoy.........
Etch made out of fruit rollup and fondant
Woody's hat out of tootsie rolls
Jessie's hat made from Now N Laters(lost a couple of fingerprints playing with those after melting!)
My favorite....Mr Potato Head
love the patterns under the hats :)
The whole gang!