I'm having a darker day

Let's start by saying I'm PMSing....(TMI?!) but to be completely fair, I'm coming off a weekend by myself. The Hubbs was away for a service meeting from Friday till Sunday. Not a long stint alone at all, but one none the less. So I am completely exhausted! And less than thrilled with things around here anyway. I'm feeling.....stalled in any plans to move, sell the house, blah blah blah. I'm feeling bummed that The Hubbs was away for my lil man's first Birthday Saturday. I know he had nothing to do at all with the planning of this meeting. But I guess I would have liked to see him put a little fight into it. I hear from him that a bunch of other guys didn't show for one reason or another. Anyway, the fight is what makes everything worth it, right!? I like that in a person. To know that they go for what they want. Even if they don't get it. At least they tried and put their heart into it. I feel like I'm the only one who fights anymore. This bothers me. Maybe it's just the winter blues? I don't know.
What I do know is that the minis and I got to spend Saturday morning with my Mother-In-Law. She always knows how to make things special for everyone. I love that in a person. I love her. Just that she even thinks "It's Child 3's Birthday today, I must see him even if it's just for a few minutes". That's admirable, no two ways about it. And it was for more than a few minutes :) We shopped, we ate, we chatted and the minis were on exceptional behavior! It was a lovely morning. Followed by naps at home(for the minis of course) while I decorated cupcakes for a friend's party that night. By Brother-In-Law accompanied me to the bowling alley where the party was held and thank GOD....because there's no way I would have survived/been able to keep an eye on all 3 minis/or actually enjoyed myself without him there! The friends are great, don't get me wrong, but I just wouldn't have been able to even talk to them without his help watching at least one of the kids. He totally rocks by the way :)
But aside from all that we did do Saturday, we didn't do anything special just for Child 3. We go apple picking every year for Child 2 and pumpkin picking for Child 1. I can't help but feel I short-changed my youngest mini.
To add insult to injury, the trucks battery died Saturday night. I found this tidbit out AFTER loading all 3 kids, the Birthday Girl's gifts, and the cupcakes to be served at the party into the truck. I had to call that wonderful Brother-In-Law of mine up to jump the truck(he was supposed to meet us there). And then the next day,(in order to get to the airport to pick up The Hubbs from sunny Florida......WHAT?! I'm not bitter) I jumped the truck after finding a second set of jumper cables in our garage. I hooked them up to our van....which stalls if it goes up a hill or over 40mph. but DOES have a good battery. Apparently it's too much to ask to have a reliable vehicle lying around. My next door neighbor who I LOVE dearly, came and hung out with the minis who were once again all buckled up in their carseats, while Mommy jumped the dead battery. Ugh.
So.....I have a full week ahead of me. It started this morning. The Hubbs was gone by 6am for work. I proceeded to dress, feed, and get all 3 kids ready to drive the eldest to school. I have 14 thousand(maybe a little exaggeration) of laundry awaiting my attention in the basement and a house to get clean for Saturday! Not to mention, I totally feel pressured to out-do myself when it comes to the Birthday Boy's cake this year. I actually have to start baking for Saturday...today. I'm lacking motivation for all of this because I feel like I'm the only one excited about it. Yeah yeah the kids are. But they're kids. They get excited if I yell a color out!
Something just isn't right. And my fingers not quite on it. But I do feel (aside from my friggin unbelievably awesome in laws) that I walk alone most of the time. That's sucky. I want to plan and get excited about stuff with someone. Not just feel like I'm informing them of what's going to happen. Ugh.
And here's the kicker. A card was sent to Child 3 for his Birthday from my parents. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned our relationship in prior posts. There was the obligatory check from them, a very sweet card, and then a note for me in a tiny separate envelope. This is what it read(in my Mother's writing) "I fully intended on being there for Child 3's 1st Birthday as long as someone could have picked me up and taken me to the airport. It just wasn't meant to be."
I never received a phone call nor an email which is their preferred method of communication when there is any. So I'm a teeny bit confused here? Did I fail you somehow by not OFFERING this pick up/drop off service? Did you pretend in your head that we had some sort of conversation about this?
I wish I could say that I'm surprised by this. But here's the simple, harsh truth. I'm not even a little surprised. I'm ashamed to be from a family where talk is just that. Talk. You see.........my Mother prides herself on attending every single one of her grandchildren's First Birthdays. She boasts to her friends and family alike that she has never missed one.
But, they didn't come up when he was born. Or when I spent the week after he was born in the hospital by his side because he was hooked up to tubes and monitors and oxygen. It was a long week. I had the support of the people I love around me. Including a Dr that cared so much, that he put me on iron supplements and told the insurance companies I was anemic and needed to be there, JUST so I could stay with my newborn son.
And a year later, this guy is UNBELIEVABLY strong. You'd never know he was such a "wimp" when he was born.
This first birthday means a lot to me.
I'm going to shake off this pity party......I have to blame it on PMS and a loooooooong winter........and celebrate this amazing little boy! He deserves every ounce of my attention and the attention of 50 of our closest family members and friends this Saturday. I'm not kidding. I couldn't tailor this guest list even a little bit. All my in-laws will be there and are actually excited for the "event"! And only our closest friends that make a point to be in our lives, no matter how difficult we are to get in touch with sometimes!
Live. Love. Laugh.
Even if it goes against everything you were raised to believe
xo