Bad Idea Of The Day Part Deux?!

I'm trying to be fancy by throwing French words into my blog titles! Is it working? I didn't think so.
Well, as I predicted, this title could indeed be a daily thing. Maybe I'm psychic? I hope not. Because then all those times I've said "sorry....my crystal ball is in the shop" when someone was shocked I didn't know something, wouldn't really be funny anymore!
I grew up an animal lover. I had dogs all throughout my childhood. I've always been "that friend" that goes to your house and ends up leaving looking like a used lint roller because I've been rolling around the floor with your pet. And it didn't end with the household pets either. I remember crying so hard riding in the back seat of my parents' car as a little girl after passing a dead squirrel on the road. We lived in suburbia. This was a regular occurrence. I'm pretty sure the parentals were probably close to seeking professional help in the form of a shrink on more than one occasion. But THAT'S a whole other story for another day ;)
Anyway, I'm not really sure when my view on animals officially changed. I still love animals. I'll stop if one is darting across the road in front of the Mystery Machine. I'll call the cops to let them know if a stray dog is running around the neighborhood in the hopes it can find it's way home with their help. (Ok....I may have called the cops on MY dog on one of the many times he's scooted under our fence to trot around the neighborhood. Details Details) But all in all, I do love animals. Maybe not just mine so much. Our first dog, Kayles(don't ask) is a good dog. He listens to every breath that comes out of my husband's mouth. Literally. He sits next to his side of the bed at night just watching him breath. It's creepy. He's a total pleaser (back to the dog now) and makes sure he's not a total pushover with the kids now that their a little older. The baby still has free reign with tail pulling, eyelid lifting, tongue grabbing and fur pulling. But the older kids are put in check from time to time. Which as a parent who is genuinely concerned for all animalkind when minis are involved, I'm glad that the animals in my house are the ones gently teaching the limits now. A parent can only say something so many times(2 maybe?) before they just start to sound like the teacher in the Charlie Brown movies. However, when the dogs go nose to nose with one of the minis after a not-so-gentle game of "horsey", they listen! I've actually watched Kayles herd Child 1 into the corner like he was punishing him. HAHA!
Our second dog, Chauncey aka Fat Bastard, is not such a gem. He's not a bad dog, I guess. He's just not that wonderfully lovable family pet that everyone has in mind when they go to the shelter. He puts up with all the kids crap which in my eyes, makes him good AND worthy of staying under our roof! However, this is the shaky dog. Shortly after having our first son, Fat Bastard started having grand mal seizures. VERY scary to witness. And really not much you can do for the poor animal while it's happening. When he would come to, he didn't have any idea who we were or where he was. Of course, since we had a newborn in the house and sleep was at a minimum, these seizures would only occur in the middle of the f'n night! We had to resort to medicating him because they started to come more often. Sometimes twice a night. So after a few dose changes, he is now on two different seizure meds for life. A side effect of the drugs, is hunger. Let me just say that Fat Bastard got his nickname BEFORE the seizures. He used to(and still does) jump on counters, tables, PEOPLE for a taste of food! Anything he could get his snout on, he was in it. He's gross really. So with the addition of the meds, he was even hungrier! And ever-growing too. He's kind of short and stout. Like a teapot! But weighed in at his largest at 112 pounds. He's a black and tan mutt. Probably mixed with Rottweiler and who knows what. Cute. But fat.
Hmmmm maybe it's just a recent thing that my love for animals has.......dwindled?
Anyway, the poor dears ran out of their ridiculously expensive, high quality food. They pretty much eat better than we do. My only reason for keeping them on this food at this point, is because I know on lower quality food, they'll just poop MORE. We just don't have the plot of land that is needed to support two 100lb dogs pooping 5 times a day. We just don't! I can't even imagine. shiver.
The Hubbs was working, of course. So I bundled up the 3 minis, and packed us all in the Mystery Machine for a trip to the "puppy food store" as we so adoringly call it. Here's where the bad idea falls into play. There was a friggin monsoon outside! I was seriously a little worried. Listening to the radio, it was pretty warm for November in NJ at 56 degrees. But it was pouring with 40 mile an hour wind gusts. Would you like to bet whether or not a child's hood will stay up in that kind of weather? Not so much. We were all soaked! Drenched is probably the correct word used to describe us. So we tour the fish department, pick up the 40 lb bag of food that will last them 2 weeks, and head to the check out where the very nice cashier gathers my 3 coupons and PALS card for savings, yet proceeds to ask me if I'd like to donate $ to poor, poor shelter pets. It wasn't her fault there was a monsoon outside. And it certainly wasn't her fault I needed to drag all these kids to her store to buy this expensive food. So I took a deep breath and said "No Thank You" with a little snicker on my face. I was proud of myself for not venting to this poor girl that it's shelter pets in my home that eat EVERYTHING. It's shelter pets that have cost mortgage payments at the Vet's office because they have seizures, or allergies, or the time that Fat Bastard was sniffing around the counters for food and ate an entire bottle of iron pills when I was pregnant with Child 1! We're eating mac and cheese for dinner while our shelter pets have the very best dog food money can buy. And when they ran out the night before......did I let them starve? NO.....I cooked them brown rice. I might actually make a call to the shelters to see if they have some sort of reimbursement program. Or if at least they'd like to have a friggin statue of me made with angels wings put on the back to display in the middle of their lawn!
Whew.......good thing I kept my mouth shut. I mean I am a parent trying to teach lessons to my offspring of how to act and all! Truth be told, if I started verbalizing all this to the cashier, I'm pretty sure I would have ended up crying in the fetal position by the catnip aisle. Reality bites.
Oh...and another thing.......if I had a spare dollar to give to poor shelter pets, I would have PAID someone to go buy these dogs their snooty falooty dog food in a monsoon instead of dragging my kids out in it. Hmph!

Need to go let the dogs in before they scratch through the glass door out back.  You've seen those nails!!

Good Morning Vietnam!

At least that's what my living room now looks like after the minis had their way with it! I had grandiose plans of picking up around the house today which has been severely halted by me walking in circles all morning. I guess the biggest issue I have with this is that I'm completely floored at the end of the day when I haven't accomplished a thing but my legs are sore. You'd think I'd learn. Although today I managed to truck 742 lbs of laundry from our bedrooms down to the basement and actually started the wash. It was shortly after that I decided to kick Child 1 and 2 outside for fear of their screaming waking up the napping chub-a-lub. I then stepped over the piles of toys all over the room, reheated my coffee for the twelfth time this morning, and sat down to write about my fascinating day so far :)

The Hubbs returned at 11:15 last night and was off again around 8:30 this morning. Before he left, while the kids were not eating the breakfast I made them, I finally broke down and told him that I'm pretty certain I'd lost the camera. Ugh. I searched high and low. Under piles of toys and clothes. Under the couch cushions. Inside the van. In plastic bags that have miscellaneous crap in them. All to no avail. The guilt that I'm feeling is heavy because I know money is tight right now, but I can't possibly go through the upcoming holidays without a camera. Especially when it's Child 3's first Christmas!!  I'm near tears when a very smug looking man standing before me says "did you look on the shelf right over the computer? Where we normally keep it?" And hands me the camera.

Wise ass.

You KNOW I ran around after he left taking shots of all sorts of stuff I've been wanting to post on the blog, right?! I managed to trap the big kids in a home made containment unit for a while so I could go take pictures, while the little guy followed me around. It was great. There have been so many times over the past week+ that I've been dying to have my camera! Too bad it fell inside the wall where I'd never think to look for it?! Unbelievable. And I'm responsible for 3 kids? Yikes.

So I go to find the USB cord to upload my pics and guess what? Yep. Can't find it. Now I happen to know there are gremlins living in this house that move things all the time. I birthed them after all. But I can't help but just stare in front of me looking at the shelf over the computer waiting for it to start waving or something. Smoke signals maybe?  If I need to ask the Hubbs to help me find it, we're gonna have an issue. I was not born with the personality make-up to be able to ask for help. Ask anyone who knows me :) And I might just smack those pursed lips right off his face if he says "it's right here dear". You can see my dilemma.

I'll describe by beautiful pics that document my morning instead:

1) I couldn't resist....Child 3 woke up with his fuzzy blonde locks sticking straight up in the air, but only on the sides! The middle was flat. FLOCK OF SEAGULLS ANYONE?!?!?! Awesome.

2)The aforementioned containment unit for the big kids. aka...couches pushed together. This only lasted about 15 minutes before they almost cracked their skulls together, of course.

3)The hole in one of the sticks of butter that were coming to room temperature on my counter so I could bake cookies. It's strangely shaped like a dog's giant toenail? And the second stick is missing? Hmmmmm

4) greasy dog toenail

5) guilty looking dog

6) since the deck is stained, I have a new mini project to try to accomplish while juggling 3 minis on my head! Part of the aluminum wrap(I think that's what it's called?) on our garage was partially blown off by the crazy wind we had the other day. So I need to get the ladder and nail it back in place. I'd like to do this before any more windy weather rolls in and takes it off completely. SO...I should probably take care of this myself. Picture is of the piece of metal hanging off the garage. OH and the huge yellow jacket's nest that was hiding under it. Always an adventure!

7)the big jar of M&M's aka potty treats, from Target the other day. The very same jar that I steal a few out of every single time I walk past. WHAT?!?!?! I use the potty too!

8) my cracked lens on my cell phone which is why I really couldn't post any pics on here! Had no clue that happened till I went to take a picture yesterday. Gremlins? Or the crushing capacity of my arse when it was in my back pocket? We'll never know.

9) Deuce/Sammy 2. In her very big, very manly fish tank with the army guy and tank! In the picture you can actually see the pile of eggs she's laid on the top of the water. Whatever....she's breathing so I'm happy.

10)Child 1 & 2 raking the leaves in the backyard. Right off of the branches they were hanging from. LOL


My new mission today...........find that CORD! Cleaning can wait. (funny how I can always find an excuse)

Yikes

Well it was borderline tornado weather here today. So always looking for an adventure........I packed up the kids and headed to Target. WOO HOO! It was a white knuckle adventure driving the Mystery Machine over the bridge portion of 287.For any non NJins, there's actually a sign that states "bridge subject to high winds". And it was gale force out there today!! Such a rush. I even let my "no screaming in the van" rule slide. 

The minis were actually on their best behavior in the store(weird). And all managed to get a special treat while sitting relatively quietly in the cart. After picking up the shaky dog's anti seizure meds, we headed to the candy aisle to get Mommy her fix and potty treats(not for Mommy....ok, well sometimes) in the form of M&Ms. This however almost started a riot in the shopping cart. Amazing what a 5 pound bag of chocolate can do?! Under the cart it went for safe keeping.

Milk...check. Dog cheese(for the shaky dog's pills)....check. Browse through the Christmas decorations, HOLY CRAP that's coming up already?!.....check. And to the checkout with three smiling minis I go. A rather uneventful trip concluded with a wonderfully cheerful cashier. This is where Child 1 makes me turn very red and want to run into the elevator and never come out. The cashier was very friendly with the kids and complimented Child 1's unloading of the cart onto the belt and even managed to make the little Pixie giggle too all while smiling and waving at chubby Child 3! Child 1 then blurts out as I'm swiping my debit card "why is that guy smiling and talking to us?" I realize this sounds innocent unless you were standing in my shoes. The cashier in fact was a female. Albeit, sporting a mullet, no makeup, and a bit of chin hair..........but female none the less. And she was embarrassed! Which made me want to now SPRINT(as if I could) to the elevator, kids or no kids. So I played it off like I heard no gender confusing remark and thanked her and walked briskly to the giant metal box that was my escape. Whew. Yep.........you know that damned alarm went off right? I kid you not. But the poor cashier waved me on. Clearly her spirit was broken and she didn't even care if we were shoplifting. Which, much to my surprise, we didn't steal a thing this trip! 

I even managed to have all three kids nap at the same time for a whopping 4 1/2 minutes! 

All in all........very successful day! 

Rainy Day

It's raining. It's a little chilly outside. I've been getting sleepier every second since my eyes opened this morning. And I have three little people wanting me to constantly entertain them. After sucking down 3/4 of the coffee in the pot today, I still have no wild and crazy ideas to keep the minis outside of my 3 feet of personal space? I've tried movies, and they feel the need to update me every time the scene changes. I've tried coloring, but one likes to just peel the crayons and eat them, while the other will only color one picture(for Daddy.......cuz only Daddy gets pictures) before needing another source of fun! Child 3 is amazingly entertained ALL day by spitting up on himself and having explosive poops that shoot out of the top of his diaper. Where this would piss me off if I were him, he's totally content as long as I don't turn my back on him. EVER. 
And yet, despite all this excitement around me, I'm dreadfully bored. The Hubbs and I were supposed to have a movie night last night. I sent him inappropriate text messages telling him to rent a movie on his way home and we could have some "nekkid" couch time while sharing a giant bottle of wine. He took the bait! But after a long day at work, and watching me bathe all the kids and get them in bed, he managed to pass out on the living room floor by 8:30pm! Normally, I'd be very disappointed, but last night I was just happy for a quiet night to myself. I certainly don't have any trouble drinking alone. So I popped the cork and relaxed in front of the computer for a couple of hours after taking a scalding hot shower. Heaven. 
Having woken up with no hangover, I attempted to clean today. I loathe cleaning. And am really no good at it. I'm ok with that. I can totally admit when I'm not good at something. I just wish the people around me would DO something about it other than complain. Like....HIRE SOMEONE. Subtle hint there. Anyway, while lifting the couch cushions to find all the buried treasure my kids leave me,( ie raisins, small choking hazard toys, pennies(never anything worth more than a cent), and socks LOT AND LOTS of SOCKS?!) I rearranged the furniture in the living room. You see, I married the smartest man in the world. He knows everything. Ok, really....he is super intelligent....BUT according to him there was only one way to arrange the couch and sofa in the room. The way that makes complete and utter sense. An irrational thought has never passed through his giant head brain. Now I, on the other hand, like to take some chances in life! Put the chair caddy corner just because we CAN, instead of having it perfectly aligned with the wall. I'm a live-on-the-edge kinda gal. Clearly! And damn skippy that's exactly what I did this afternoon. The sofa is absolutely not where he left it. We'll just see who can fall asleep in this non congruent living room tonight! 
Muah ha ha!!!!